Don’t take it from me! I am simply the messenger. I am nothing but a humble observer of moms on the internet. You might be thinking “who is this miserable old maid telling me kids ruin everything if she hasn’t had kids of her own to prove it?” Well, I haven’t eaten a smoothie made out of wasps either but I’m pretty sure I don’t need to do that to know I wouldn’t enjoy it. Some things in life are meant to be explored only in hypotheticals.
“Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t still do everything you wanna do after you have kids, cause you can do it with them and it’ll be way worse or you can do it without them and you’ll feel guilty and miss them the whole time.” - @epcjpg
When I say it, I am only parroting what I’ve heard. I’m spreading the message to the girls who are debating whether they want to try for a baby or start planning that big trip overseas next year and are wondering if they can “do it all.” You probably can, in theory. You can do it, but it’ll be way harder and way less fun and the logistics will get really complicated and it’ll be twice as expensive and you’ll wish you hadn’t.
I love social media for giving us the very feminist act of watching other people have kids and deciding “fuck no” because it looks like it sucks. I also love social media because it has given mothers who are struggling an outlet, a voice, and a community to vent to when things are hard and their husbands don’t pick up their socks and they feel like they’ve lost their identity to motherhood and I’m watching the whole thing thinking damn, that looks like it sucks. I’m not even judging, like… at all. There is not one ounce of judgement, though my tone in writing often comes across cynical. It’s not pity, either. It’s a cocktail of fascination, relief, curiosity, and validation.
From my years of studying these moms on the internet, I’ve come to the conclusion based on my research that kids ruin everything. There’s an obsession, especially in American capitalistic culture, with doing it all and doing it yourself. Society would like you to bounce back so quickly you’ll get accusations of faking your pregnancy while a surrogate did the actually childbearing. We do a very good job of making women feel like failures of their kid hasn’t been to all 7 continents by age 7 and by the way did you hear about the 17 year old girl who just became the youngest person to pass the bar exam? So I sit and watch as many parents do their absolute best to still be “fun” and keep up with friends, go back to school, potty train their kids, save for a college education, and take their kids to Disneyland and I just am like… damn. That looks fucking exhausting. I don’t want any part in that, ever, at all.
Kids make everything HARDER.
I’m not opposed to a challenge. I have 2 degrees, ran a sub 6 minute mile in high school, and read all 1300 pages of Les Misérables. What I AM opposed to, at least for myself, is UNNECESSARY hardship. I’m not going to take the long way that is riddled with potholes and cuts through traffic and construction if there’s a perfectly fine scenic route that takes me safer, quicker, and easier to the destination I’d like to reach. Especially if everyone on the news is talking about how miserable their commute is and how the city has done nothing to fill in the potholes or help pay for their popped tires. I’m over here putting in hours as a volunteer traffic controller attempting to redirect anyone who might be taking the long way just because the car in front of them is taking it. “There’s another way if you feel like it!” I’m screaming. “You don’t have to go that way! This is a perfectly fine way to go!”
If you’re on the fence about having kids, hello! I’ll be the little devil on your shoulder combatting the endless scrolls of baby fever. It’s fun over here!
If you’re already a committed member of the childfree alliance tell your cat I said “pspsps”
If you do have kids, you’re probably either 1) very chill and understand to take everything I say with a grain of salt and that I’m not saying you’re not happy because you probably are and wouldn’t trade your life for anything or 2) about to leave me a hate comment which I regret to inform you I won’t read because I get too many of them and have chosen to protect my peace.
My exact sentiment and a fellow gal who doesn’t want kids. I’ll make a great aunt, I have no doubt
I was raised to believe that being a mother was my purpose on this earth, my family is very much religious and motherhood is seeing as this holy suffering thing that it’s meant to be for woman, they used as escape “your husband cheats ? Get a baby” “your depressed? Get a baby” “your almost 30 ? Why don’t have a baby ???”( this one is reserved specifically for me when I see them on holidays) I love kids, I love being with them, talking with them is fascinating and I have helped to raise at least four kids till now, changing diapers and making formula ready. In some weird way I found myself watching the birth videos of my cousins (literally all of the process) and them I look at myself, I probably have some maternal instincts that was put on me because of such baggage. But then again, I look at my mom, she had me to save a doomed marriage and gained a severe depression from it also she stayed with that abusive person and this destroyed her life, even though she always says that having me was a blessing I can never shake the feeling that this was her prison i was a prison for her… and when my cat don’t let me sleep at night I cry with anger, and it’s a cat !!! I wonder if was a human really depend on me and this makes me so scared, I couldn’t handle I’m my own little human learning how to be alive and I don’t want to have children just to be able to get at “the right point” in my life or keep a husband happy (I don’t even have a boyfriend )It’s a human life, it’s sacred and understanding that it’s not for me to be part of this process that people keeps expecting it’s so freeing! I hope to be a cool aunt someday that I will get so right, but being a mom is not something that I can’t turn it down when I’m depressed or tired so I’m gonna spare myself. I don’t think I’m mom material and that’s okay.